Saying goodbye.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The lack of updates is due to the fact that im not really in a mood to blog right now. Im goin thru an emotional battle to hold myself in one piece because well, somebody dear is leaving in the very very near future.
Im not really an emo person. at least thats what i think. I dont have random mood swings. I dont go around screwing people up just because 'im not in a good mood'. I dont flare up at the slightest of provocations. Heck i cant even remember the last time i cried. But certain things do have an impact on my emotions. Yes they rarely come but when they do they pack a punch so powerful that both my balls *might* just fall off. Not to mention a very broken heart.
Hah big problem with me is when i see a problem coming, i tend to be over-optimistic and think 'i can handle it'. Sometimes i can. and when i cant, i'll only get really worried when its like rRealllly close to the D-day. which explains why im in deep shit right now. Im not handling my emotions well enough. or at all.
I see this day coming. The day where we will go our separate paths to achieve our goals in life. The day where we will separate, but not necessarily reunite. The day that i wish would not come forever.
But still ..
Different paths.
I laughed it off before. Acted tough before.
"Come on its just a farewell"
"we'll still be able to video chat"
Now that im actually facing IT, i find those stuff i said before quite meaningless. more like Thrash talk. Well, I still look okay on the outside, thats because im putting on a front, to be a pillar of strength of some sort, that the other party can hold on to. Truth is, deep inside im more like a pathetic wilted rose.
Wilted~
Ive never faced any big goodbyes before. and i thank God for that. but yeah, none of my family members, close relatives, nor close friends have left me before. and when for the first time somebody so dear is leaving for somewhere so far away, its hard to not just crumble and cry. but before you offer your tissues or hurl your "wtf youre crying"s at me, i am NOT. and i will NOT. =)
OK time to be optimistic bout the whole thing =).
Its gona be okay. for you for me and for everyone. 10 years from now if we look back at this we're gona laugh ourselves silly and all these would be really sweet memories then. :D
Its risky, but its a risk im willing to take.
